Sunday, November 15, 2009

Knockin on Mercy's Door

Dear God,
It's me again. 
This undeserving "servant", knocking at mercy's door, hoping to be let in. 
See, I know I'm not supposed to, but I can't help but to hate myself more than I already do. 
Now, being the egoistic, selfish, hypocritical person that I am,
I shouldn't be here again knocking, as I always do...
But,
I need You...
even more,
than before.

My knuckles hurt from rapping on this door, tap-tap-tapping on this door,
thud-thud-thudding with my fist,
lub-lub-lubbing with my heart,
hu-hu-huffing with my gasps,
for I am losing sensations as I'm being mentally torn apart...

I am falling into numbness once again...
This maniac I have become, torturing myself.

See, I don't even think I deserve to wear this scarf.
I don't even deserve to carry the name that I carry,
for I find my thoughts much too scary,
to be of a "servant" of yours.

I sit here knocking,
waiting for the door to open,
for I need mercy.
Fists bleeding,
mumbling pleas
in a tortured state
I wait...(c)
-MN-

2 comments:

Momin said...

Mashallah, thats some great stuff..inshallah allah will open the door that you are so wishing to open.

Maryam Noori said...

Ameen!!!

Thank you